Royston van der Kerkoff's Blog

Blah, blah, get round to doing stuff, blah, blah, stop procrastinating, blah, blah, make the most of the good days, etc. etc. yawn, etc……

Setting goals.
Aiming for targets.
If it doesn’t come naturally to you, then it’s generally quite tedious.
And telling people you know just irritates them because they know as well as you do that you’ll run out of steam in five minutes, and it’ll be yet another elephant in a room already bursting at the seams.

This seems to be a little different though.
More like a cult. A nice cult. A cult that I don’t think knew it was a cult, and may not even believe  that it is one. But it just might be.

It’s called TYSIC. Which is the Ten Year Self Improvement Challenge.
An idea Mark Watson came up with on his blog. Turning thirty and becoming a dad were involved in prompting the idea I think.

Anyway, I’m very late joining the group, but if your going to be a bit late for anything, it may as well be something that’s going to last a while.

Anyone who knows me, or has read this blog will probably guess that getting well will be priority number one on my list. Diagnosed with CFS, the made up cover up name that can potentially cover M.E. still, but also fibromyalgia, lupus, thyroid problems, adrenal problems, mitochondrial dysfuction, depression, post viral fatigue, and in the process gather up all sorts of other multi sympton issues, and dump everyone in one big basket where you tell them it’s all in the mind and deny them the treatment they need.
Awesome. For Insurers. And their pocket psychiatrists.
I was a bit surprised to be one of two M.E. sufferers (though I think I actually have something else from the above pick and mix, CFS was just an easy out for the ‘professionals’).

Enough of that though, what are the group planning on challenging themselves with?
Mostly writing. So, Mr. Watson should perhaps get himself a half share in a publishing company. Give it a few months first, see what the standard’s like, but certainly have the idea in the back of his mind. Or someone else in the group might do it. Or we could do it as a co-operative. Hmmm……

A lot just want the basics of a happy life with finding love and having kids cropping up a fair bit, though one of the most popular is to be doing a job that is loved. Most often writing.

Quite a few future speakers of Spanish. A shame, as I was thinking of suggesting Chinese as a language the group could take on, but not a single mention, with the closest being one plumping for Japanese. I wonder what ‘plumping’ would be in Japanese? Or Chinese, Spanish, Esperanto etc.

While my challenge isn’t to blog, I think I’ll do a few posts with more detail of the challenges I am setting myself. It also means I can stop rambling now, and finish with a list. Some of these overlap with what other people are doing, so maybe some collaboration would be in order? Again, not a specific challenge, but working with others in the group will be a secondary aim.

My challenge list:

Work out what’s wrong health wise and fix it, or at list improve it and boost energy levels.

Improve concentration.

Write a great novel.

Write a brilliant sit-com.

Write and record songs that people will love. (An e.p. a year. Not that they exist, but 4/5 songs)

Learn to network.

When well enough, pick up hands-on band management again.

Sunday 16th August 2009

Apart from being woken by a cat (9 ish), called by my girlfriend to make sure I was still alive (10.30), a couple of expeditions for more water, and for weeing, I had a decent bit of snoozing. I got up at about half five in the end. I suppose that could just be put down to getting older, and drinking for the first time in ages, but I think it’s another sign that I’m struggling with my energy levels.

Felt a little bit odd for the rest of the day. Did a bit of tidying, and some reading, but not up to all that much really.

It is of course the big day. Back on the web. I’d set 10pm as my time to rejoin the Internet age. Checked the training of players on my various online footy manager games, checked email, and then opened up the folder of most used tabs in firefox and re-immersed myself in the digital mire.
Oddly, I didn’t really miss it all that much, and would certainly recommend a week off once in a while to anyone. Of course, I’m sure it’d be a whole different story if it hadn’t been by choice, and for longer than a week. I was glad to get back on, just needed the break.

It proved to me that I’m not well too. I got a fair bit done around the house with not being tied to the computer, or having it as something to do if I got tired, but I didn’t do so much that any healthy person doing the same would also need to go to bed for naps most days. I think the long sleep today is partly down to not getting a sleep yesterday afternoon.
With my appointment this week, I hope I’ll be able to start the process of getting fixed. Although with it being such a long wait, I suppose I may now have some expectations of this first appointment that are too high. Just have to wait and see I guess.

Anyway, as far as I’m concerned, the week off experiment was a big success. Hopefully these blogs from the week will be interesting to some of you out there, and then at least some of the writing will be a success too.

(Since writing this week long diary a couple of weeks ago, I have since had the appointment, and the specialist (20 years in the field) said he definitely thought I had ME, and referred me to the team of therapists, though that could take up to 12 weeks again. I’d held off from reading up on things while waiting to see the doctor, as it’s so easy to find all sorts of the things that could be wrong, when it’s not true. Plus, the Internet is a good start point, but hardly ultra reliable when looking for something in a serious way.

I’d narrowed it down to CFS/ME, Lupus, or Fibromyalgia, and then stopped. Since having this diagnosis though, I’ve made a start on looking again, and the first thing that hit home was reading in a couple of places that there isn’t a cure at all, it’s just a case of living with the condition. The only person I remember seeing on TV who had had it was Clare Francis, and I’d got the impression that she’d completely recovered, but even in the biog on her own website, it says “She herself has had ME (also known as Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) for many years.”

So that was a bit of a shock. I probably would have realised that with just a bit more searching a few weeks ago, but didn’t want to go down the road of hypochondria. Still, it’s had quite an effect. All the things I thought about getting to grips with some properly worked out, paced exercises and advice on recovery, and I’d be fighting fit at some point. But no, need to do all of that, and see where I’m up to then.

At least it means making a start on my writing was a good idea though. Just not sure what to blog about now. Can’t really bl0g about a potential novel in any great detail without giving it away serialised, and a germ of an idea for a sit com is hardly likely to be very funny chopped into random bits and posted all in the wrong order. Unless you’re a real fan of the surreal. But I guess that’s my job now, so I will try and blog at least a couple of times a week, maybe more if inspired with other week long projects (any suggestions?)

Thanks for the comments here and elsewhere. I hope it was enjoyable.

Onward an upward!)

What a nightmare.

Challenged to write a blog post every day (by myself admittedly), and already struggling after only twenty odd days. Including this one, 23 to be precise. It’s a good job I did have a few bits prepared prior to starting or it’d all have fallen apart within a week.

Well, the thing I was writing yesterday nearly got finished today, but then changed format altogether, and needs a load more editing to make it all fit together. Whether it successfully fits together will be a matter of opinion, but that’s what I’m aiming for at least.

How many words a day would a professional writer tend do do on average? I don’t suppose that’s a figure that’s easy to find, but I’ll have a look soon. I guess I need to start keeping track of what I’m doing, and work out what a good average is for me, then stick to that. It’s handy having a word count built in here, and combined with a simple word count option in openoffice it should be very simple to track what I’m doing. I’d put it in this blog, but then I’d be getting words by writing words about the number of words, and that smacks of cheating to me. Maybe just a monthly update.

200+ Words on not being able to think of anything to write. How odd.

Horrible things.

I might even be allergic to them. Even the vague, and spectacularly moveable self inflicted versions.

In theory, deadlines are fine. I’m a list maker, so having a time scale for these things makes a lot of sense, or it’s pretty pointless making them in the first place. I’m not very good at meeting deadlines though. It’s almost got to the point now where I’m incapable of doing anything within the timescale I’ve set myself (even allowing for any tiredness issues, and this started before I really thought I might be ill in any way). as far as I know I don’t have any Spanish ancestry, but I do seem to have a bit of a manana tendency these days.

It’s a bit scary. How can you ever get anything done if you have elastic time limits?

I’m guessing you can’t.

Anyway, the reason I’ve written this is that I didn’t finish a piece I started this afternoon. It’s no where near finished actually, but I’ll try and get it done tomorrow. Got some notes for it as well, but it may take a bit longer than just tomorrow. Maybe this blog should just be a few little musings on what’s gone on in a day, and then fit the odd piece about something specific in as and when I have something done.

At what point does a blog become just a ramble? I must be heading for the boundary already.

Anyway, in the spirit of just noting things that have happened in the world as I stumble through it, there were elections over the last couple of days. We now have a BNP member of parliament for our area. I wonder what happened in those early years in Germany when Hitler was getting his first bits of power? I’m afraid I haven’t studyed those days, but I think I once read that he (Hitler) didn’t actually need to be voted in anywhere, but had a different route to taking control. He’s said to have had charisma though, but did people in the years before he became all powerful take the piss, and get angry, in the way people are now towards the BNP? So many people, mostly those who didn’t even live through the second World War, must have thought that given the chance they’d kill Hitler and save everyone from the war ever happening. But no one did. Was it because they didn’t take him seriously enough. Were they waiting for the big square jawed, blue eyed, blonde before they’d know they were in trouble?

How will we know if we’re in the same place as they were then? Is the BNP’s one (eye) balled leader, considered an irritant rather than a real threat? Is he not enough like our action heroes, so can’t possibly be on the road to ultimate power? And if someone were to kill him would we all breathe a sigh of relief, while condeming the act of violence commited?

If he was killed would giving them a martyr make it worse? Or even open the way to someone who could take them further? It’s a dangerous route. Taken to it’s ultimate end, you may need to wipe them all out, which would be mass murder, and how can you justify that?

I don’t have any answers I’m afraid, but in a week when there were commemorations of D-Day’s 65th anniversary, it’s a sad state of affairs that we have almost a million people in Britain that are voting for racists to represent them in Europe. Actually, it’s worse than sad, it’s a fucking shameful. What’s wrong with us? I guess we just never learn. Ater all, the ‘war to end all wars’ was the first World War

Oh dear, I’m falling behind in my blog writing. I think there may be more short pieces written on the day (rather than the single subject items) from now on, at least until I have a surge, and get a few articles in reserve.

I was out for most of today helping a friend, so I didn’t get to pick a subject from my list of ideas. Another problem was getting up very late. I’ve actually had a few decent nights sleep recently though, but I’m getting referred to a specialist in the realms of chronic fatigue, so energy levels are pretty low, and after getting the basics of living out of the way, there’s not much writing time at the moment.

Something I haven’t managed to do in the last week or so, is any work on bigger writing projects, so I should really make that a priority. Possibly even at the risk of missing a day on the blog. I don’t intend to miss any days, but if it happens I guess I’ll cope, as long as there’s some good progress elsewhere.

Also went out to vote.

In an ideal world, the person that came up with idea of adding comments to news article/blogs/youtube and the like (though I dare say it was something that pre-dates all of those anyway), should be hailed as a having had a genius idea. Allowing anyone with access the ability to discuss the subject matter of the material provided by the original writer (director, singer, whatever).

Unfortunately, this isn’t an ideal world. And whoever came up with the idea was no doubt thinking what a marvellous tool it would be for their own tech savvy friends, academics, professors and the like. As opposed to every knee-jerk nutcase with an axe to grind.

I don’t generally read the comments on any website anymore. I went through a cycle:

• Seeing that they existed
• Reading them more often, mainly when I had a high level of interest in the subject matter.
• Reading them whatever they were attached too.
• Reading more comments than articles.
• Getting more and more depressed/angered by the crap that masqueraded as comment, and the spam that started taking over.
• Reverted to reading more article than comment.
• Gave up reading comments altogether.

Some sites make it much easier to avoid comments. I like the way youtube makes them very easy to switch between visible and hidden and TheRegister has them on a separate page. A lot of newspaper sites have the first few visible just below the article though, and that can be really irritating (even before you get into newest at top or bottom argument).

The problem generally arises with popularity of a site, and the fact that the more people are genuinely interested and want to make proper comments, the more morons will also be attracted. Which brings us to the thorny issue of moderating.

Some people don’t like their comments being moderated and cry ‘free speech’ at the first opportunity. They’re idiots. If they really want to improve peoples rights where free speech is concerned, they need to get involved in politics or activism in some way. Not start bleating about having their post accusing someone’s Granny of ***king goats, just because they have a ps3 / ipod / mac / grifter / lada (instead of the accusers choice of alternative corporation produced item) deleted.

The more serious the subject, the quicker the comments tend to degenerate, and turn into a slanging match with little to do with the original article. A slight exception to this would be comments asking you to send copies of themselves to 10 people so you don’t die, at the bottom of an article asking you to copy it and send it to 10 people so you don’t die.

If I was famous in any way, this post would be a really bad idea, as it would attract said numbskulls from all directions to slag the article, me, everyone I’ve ever met, and the company that makes my socks off in the most graphic terms imaginable. Not much chance of that, but if it’s looking likely, I’ll just delete this. Oh No ! Revisionism. Almost as horrendous as moderating……

Anyway, this blog allows pre-moderation of all comments, so we’re safe. If it ever gets bombarded with comments, I’ll just bin the lot with apologies to any sensible posters. Which from their point of view will be everyone, of course.

Good. Happy all round.

I think sites should just add an extra button, like they have for muting. Comment’s – off. Now that’ll be an interesting job, coming up with an icon for that button!

Or maybe an adblock style plug-in. I’m sure it’d be a huge hit.

It’s going to be a lot harder than I thought, this being nice business.

I had a real desire not to be nasty in the things I write. I figure the old adage that if you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all was a pretty good idea. It’s not like there aren’t a million things whizzing about in front of your eyes in this technological age. Why not just concentrate on the good stuff?

But it’s it’s so hard.

Admittedly, I’m not in the best frame of mind right now. I’m trying to keep my momentum going of keeping in touch with all the really good people I know, but not quite managing it. I’m also letting people down left, right and centre, and playing chicken with my future by doing sod all when I’ve got……well, everything to be getting on with.

Sadly, being a bit of a web addict, and in a hermit phase, it’s far too easy to see masses of stuff that just makes you think ‘what’s the point?’ For every funny video there’s a bunch of jaw droppingly chilling ones. Which doesn’t really help with keeping a positive frame of mind. Throw in tendencies to insomnia and depression, and I’m pretty much fucked as far as being a happy bunny goes. Bwaaaaah!

I recently had my first piece accepted by a website, and looking back now, it was positive about the main subject Kirsten O’Brien, but I guess her friend Anjelica, and a few other participants in the documentary weren’t so positively viewed. I never finished my review about the male extreme beauty programme (self censoring), but the notes were like Charlie Brooker on angel dust……..

It seems I’m swimming against an unstoppable tide though. Even in conversation with my girlfriend on the subject, she said it just wasn’t me! But I don’t want the bile spewing, internally rotting, Scroogelike mass that mostly makes up what is me to be what people see. I want it to be the cheery, happy go lucky 10% above the waterline. (OK so I may accidentally hole a few cruise liners, but it’ll only be with the best of intentions).

I just know that when I’m on the receiving end of criticism, I’m a sensitive little flower, so how can I possibly justify railing against anyone?

Help……….

It was all going quite well, but I now have two bits left to post.

One I’m not sure I should, maybe it’s a bit controversial? It barely counts really, but I’m getting paranoid.

The other is painfully relevant at the minute. It’s about having a tendency to be a hermit, something I think I touched on in one of my first few posts. That just needs checking, and editing as I’m not sure it’s very good.

I’ll try harder tomorrow, and make sure it’s better than this.

Sorry.