Royston van der Kerkoff's Blog

Blah, blah, get round to doing stuff, blah, blah, stop procrastinating, blah, blah, make the most of the good days, etc. etc. yawn, etc……

Setting goals.
Aiming for targets.
If it doesn’t come naturally to you, then it’s generally quite tedious.
And telling people you know just irritates them because they know as well as you do that you’ll run out of steam in five minutes, and it’ll be yet another elephant in a room already bursting at the seams.

This seems to be a little different though.
More like a cult. A nice cult. A cult that I don’t think knew it was a cult, and may not even believe  that it is one. But it just might be.

It’s called TYSIC. Which is the Ten Year Self Improvement Challenge.
An idea Mark Watson came up with on his blog. Turning thirty and becoming a dad were involved in prompting the idea I think.

Anyway, I’m very late joining the group, but if your going to be a bit late for anything, it may as well be something that’s going to last a while.

Anyone who knows me, or has read this blog will probably guess that getting well will be priority number one on my list. Diagnosed with CFS, the made up cover up name that can potentially cover M.E. still, but also fibromyalgia, lupus, thyroid problems, adrenal problems, mitochondrial dysfuction, depression, post viral fatigue, and in the process gather up all sorts of other multi sympton issues, and dump everyone in one big basket where you tell them it’s all in the mind and deny them the treatment they need.
Awesome. For Insurers. And their pocket psychiatrists.
I was a bit surprised to be one of two M.E. sufferers (though I think I actually have something else from the above pick and mix, CFS was just an easy out for the ‘professionals’).

Enough of that though, what are the group planning on challenging themselves with?
Mostly writing. So, Mr. Watson should perhaps get himself a half share in a publishing company. Give it a few months first, see what the standard’s like, but certainly have the idea in the back of his mind. Or someone else in the group might do it. Or we could do it as a co-operative. Hmmm……

A lot just want the basics of a happy life with finding love and having kids cropping up a fair bit, though one of the most popular is to be doing a job that is loved. Most often writing.

Quite a few future speakers of Spanish. A shame, as I was thinking of suggesting Chinese as a language the group could take on, but not a single mention, with the closest being one plumping for Japanese. I wonder what ‘plumping’ would be in Japanese? Or Chinese, Spanish, Esperanto etc.

While my challenge isn’t to blog, I think I’ll do a few posts with more detail of the challenges I am setting myself. It also means I can stop rambling now, and finish with a list. Some of these overlap with what other people are doing, so maybe some collaboration would be in order? Again, not a specific challenge, but working with others in the group will be a secondary aim.

My challenge list:

Work out what’s wrong health wise and fix it, or at list improve it and boost energy levels.

Improve concentration.

Write a great novel.

Write a brilliant sit-com.

Write and record songs that people will love. (An e.p. a year. Not that they exist, but 4/5 songs)

Learn to network.

When well enough, pick up hands-on band management again.

What a stupid question, huh?

Everyone knows who they are. I’m Royston, obviously.

Hmm. I don’t think it is that obvious. It may be a mid-life thing (though I always see that as a presumptuous concept anyway), but I think it’s something deeper.

I’m going to have to make a few big changes I think. I’m 40 now, and life is supposed to have begun, but I can’t say I’ve seen any difference really. I’m still a shy, nervous, little mouse in a six foot plus frame. I often have very strong opinions on things, but don’t tend to let rip with them, as I don’t always feel I can back them up with hard facts. Not that that bothers most people with strong opinions of course, most of them just like arguing, and will carry on until everyone else is bored, and assume a victory. I naturally avoid conflict as well, so I’ll self censor to avoid an argument, and many rants (some quite spectacular, even if I do say so myself), never see the light of day.

The ranting thing is possibly a red herring. I’m looking to make writing my career, with a bit of performing thrown in, though the latter is going to be dependent on my health improving. To do that, you have to give of yourself. Even if it’s only in the written words, and not out in the real world, but you do have to make that leap. It’s a bit scary for a shy, introverted hermit.

So I fail. I’ve been trying to get some practice in on the internet, with that slight cloak of anonymity it provides. Mainly with this blog, and a bit of twitter #tag japery, but it’s all a bit slow. And there’s the crux of the problem. I fell for it hook line and sinker.

I’ve watched most of the music based talent shows of the last decade, and half the time say what Mr. Cowell does before he gets there. A also reckon I could win one of them if I only had a little more confidence, but those thoughts must put me in a group of about 20 million people in Britain alone.

Instant success is what they offer. And in a much more tangible way than the lottery. You see someone win, then you see them in the charts, and then you keep on seeing them. Some longer than others, but there’s a reasonable hit rate there. And I fell for it. I want instant success.

I want  one of my tweets to be the funniest joke in the world, and have an agent banging on the door the next day with a big fat contract, mapping out the sit-coms, sketch shows, novels and movies I’ll be working on for the rest of my life, and the big fat wedge that comes with it. (Only without having to do any of the PR and stuff, don’t fancy that so much). The odds aren’t so good I guess, though I do now have over 50 followers, some of them aren’t even bots! (rvdk on twitter if you’re interested).

Anyway, back in the real world. I know that’s not how it really works. It’s all about discipline, and it’s a slow process. Most likely long and hard too……..

Firstly, I need to adjust the balance between reading and writing. This last week in particular, I’ve read far too much, and barely written at all. Luckily, one of things I did read was about the hedgehog concept. Basically it says you need to concentrate on one thing, and really do it well. In the back of our minds, we all know that anyway, like any simple but true concept. Sadly, I want to have a go at everything, and end up with no real depth of skill in any of the things I try, and certainly not expertise in even one of them.

The other day, I was listening to the last of the Reith lectures on iPlayer, and Prof. Sandel was talking about government running based on cost/benefit analysis, where it runs just to correct market failure. As though government now assumes that business is the only way things can work, and government is only there to correct any failings that might occur.

I started thinking about cost/benefit applied to the individual. More specifically, me. And without having all the facts at my disposal, I reckon that I don’t add much on the benefit side, but I don’t cost much either. So maybe the fact that I’ve been made redundant, and I’m ill as well, just means I’m lower down the order than I may have been, but still not too low on the list, and given time to develop my writing, could climb up again.

On the other hand, in the history of our species, this current version of civilisation, and having the media available to see what’s going on all round the world, and making some vague comparison between yourself and everyone else is very new. Born in earlier times, a cave and a few fruit trees would have been my ideal place to live. Now, anywhere that I can live on the web will do.

Is there a conclusion to this? Well, I’m going to keep writing. I’m going to try and write more often, and read less (or at least be more selective). And, I’m going to have to dig deep to give the real me to those that are reading, however few that may be.

So, who am I? I’m still none the wiser, but I’m working on it. I’ll let you know as soon as I do.