One and Other – A week on a Plinth

(This is an older post from a blog I’d put aside for ‘proper writing’, then never did anything proper that wouldn’t fit here anyway. So it’s here now, and the other will be closed.)

 

I’ve been following the latest Antony Gormley project “One and Other“, where a different person gets to be a living portrait of present day Britain for an hour each over a 100 day span.

I wrote about my initial impressions early on in the process, but after a full week, how much more have I learned? Well, not a great deal I don’t think. I’ve been enjoying it, and found it a comfort to have a look at every now and again during the long nights of this current insomniac phase, but I think it’s confirmed initial ideas more than told me anything new.

In spite of a few people doing the same things, I don’t think there should be any worries about variety across the plinther spectrum. Obviously I haven’t seen everyone who’s been up on the plinth, but I’ve caught quite a few, and taken screenshots of most of those, and there’s been a few surprises already. Singing, dancing, painting and generally interacting with the crowd were probably the most obvious that were bound to happen, but writing a play, campaigning against female genital mutilation and making a Gormleyesque bread man sculpture were possibly less expected.

There have been a lot of people campaigning for a cause, again covering a broad spectrum of styles, from taping up their own mouths to getting a crowd gathered and dancing the Time Warp with them. So far though, where plinthers have been pushing an idea or organisation, it’s been largely for a charitable cause or a right thinking ideal. How long that lasts though is still to be seen. The longer the project goes on, and the more publicity and momentum it gains, the bigger the temptation to turn your hour into a marketing or advertising exercise will get. Who will be the first to sell themselves during their hour in the spotlight?

Over this first week, it’s been very apparent that there’s a point late at night were the plinthers are more likely to become the watcher. A natural tendency though, when the audience in the square has all but disappeared through the early hours of the morning.

With the whole event streamed over the web as it happens, there is a second audience in addition to those physically close to the action, and there’s a lot of comments and opinions freely given. Personally, I’ve been following the twitter comments, mainly with the #oneandother tag. It’s interesting to see that the usual taking of sides that happens in web comments is yet to really take off on this twitter #tag. With 100 day project though, I suspect it’ll kick off a few times.

One thing that I suspect will be one of the first to cause friction is the desire some watchers have to be entertained at all times. Others see that it’s not a talent show, and some of the plinthers are being rather than doing. Sadly, I think there could be a mismatch in momentum between those interested in art, and involved in the project, and the demands for now, now, now entertainment in a short attention span society. One of this evenings plinthers was sitting reading, and was constantly harrassed by one drunk in particular demanding to be entertained. But given a lot of virtual watchers inability to grasp that ‘just being’ is as valid as anything else, what hope for a drunk at 4am on a Tuesday morning?

I’m a natural pessimist, and I do worry that on some of those long summer weekend nights, things might get a bit hairy. Flashmobs, and other events in Trafalgar Square could cause friction with plinth watchers. I think it was the Jesus army that were competing with the plinthers on Saturday afternoon, and there was a surprise addition for a guy who was up there in a suit, but with his bike (?) when an air ambulnce paid a visit.

So far only about a twelfth of the time has passed, so there’s time for many more Pigeon outfits, paper plane throwing, ballon releasing (don’t people relise what they do to birds?), reading, writing, sitting, possibly more tents, tai chi and teaching. Definitely a lot of dressing up.

..and maybe even another haircut or two?

I’m not sure whether to write any more about this. I’m bound to have a look every now and again, but you can only watch a small fraction of the total, and I feel that the next really interesting phase will be the last few days. There will be changes of feel and style among plinthers before it gets that far. There’s the darker nights still to draw in by the time it ends in October don’t forget.

Then the real work probably starts for the people behind the project, producing whatever book/dvd/permanent website they come up with. The plinthers are already archived on the current website, but in the same way that you can’t watch it all live, you can’t watch them all back either. It’ll be a long time before the dust settles and we really know how it all went, and what it all meant.

Of course, having been interested even before it started, having now watched the beginnings of it all, the resistance to applying that I had months ago has gone, and I’ve done it. I don’t whether getting a place would be good or bad news now. What would I do?

Well, if I do get a yes, I’ll write before and after blogs I’m sure. And one thing I definitely won’t be doing is talking on my mobile phone. I know it really is a sign of how we live today, so should be a part of this portrait, but my I was already bored of it before I got into the swing of watching. (I think at least my first three tweets were on the subject).

Anyway, one that I missed was Godzilla, but geraldc was definitely a favourite among the #oneandother twitterati, so I’m off to watch his youtube plinthers diary.

A Harrowing Halloween

Losing something can be sad. Losing someone is likely to be even sadder. Losing many people and things in one go, and then more along the way can be heartbreaking.

I should admit at this point that Halloween never really meant much to me, but thanks to my good friend Paul, and the wonderful Ian and Jo who arrange Halloween weekends in wonderful places, that changed a few years ago. Getting to be Edward Scissorhands, Rob Zombie and the American Werewolf in London’s first victim (and friend), for an evening thanks to the costume and make up skills of my girlfriend, was pretty special. And now after a few years off, it was happening again this year.

Of course, this year I’ve been trying to work out what’s wrong with me. I’ve even had a diagnosis of ME, but having now read up on it a lot more I’m not entirely convinced. There’s definitely something not right. It could be ME, but there were a couple of other suspects I’d found before really hammering away at trying to get a diagnosis from the doctor. They were Lupus and Fybromyalgia. Various thyroid conditions have joined them since I’ve been researching again.
One of the biggest problems I have at the moment is trust. It seems fairly certain that a group of psychiatrists with connections to insurance companies have taken on the cause of ME, invented a more nebulous condition brining in those with depression and various mental illnesses, and branded them all malingerers, creating the term Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and branding this broad group with that fictitious condition. This effectively removes any urgency in finding out what the least understood conditions are, and finding treatments for them. It removes the need to pay out for the insurance companies in most cases. And it props up the psychiatric profession, which has very little going for it these days as most effective treatment for just about anything are brought about by practitioners in other disciplines.
Given that this has been going on for decades, there is a chance that some of these people have held up the development of a treatment, or more importantly a vaccine. That makes me very angry. Not a good idea either, as adrenaline is quite definitely not my friend these days.
ME effects a lot of people though, and is likely to effect more, but in the same way that MS and Lupus were ‘all in the mind’, and Polio and AIDS were ignored at first, the chances are that even if I do actually have ME, I’m unlikely to be the only afflicted person readers of this will know in their lifetime.

So that’s why I’d had a gentle, relaxing week leading up to the return to Halloween festivities for this year. Having to pack very quickly on the Friday was a bit stressful, but I should have done it during the week. On previous occasions I’d have done it in 20 mins the night before. Of course I’d have worked on the Friday, and driven as well, but having no job, car, or energy anymore, independence is another victim. I very much appreciate being driven to and from the venue, but it’s hard not being able to just do normal stuff.

I took it easy on the Saturday, trying to conserve energy to enjoy the evening fully. The only thing I did was have  a short walk up to the local shops (which were shut at 3pm on a Saturday?), and took a few photos of the house and it’s surroundings.

Had a brew, and Laura did my nails at about 4pm, and I went for a bit of a lie down before getting dressed up for the evening.

I’d read about people with ME only having enough energy in a day to get a shower, and that’d be it. That’s not counting those that are completely bedbound and hypersensitive to light and sound of course.
I had a haircut, shower, and then had to get costumed up. Which didn’t seem too tiring, but shortly after that, I felt I was flagging a bit, so I had a lie down until 7pm, and meet up time. With a theme of Hammer Horror, I was one of Dracula’s three brides, though I think we ended up with more Draculas than brides, and a whole load of vampires altogether. Always one of the fun bits of the night, seeing what everyone’s turned themselves into.

Having lost my social life over the last year (probably longer really), I really pushed the boat out in having the one alcoholic drink at the beginning of the evening, joining the guys with a glass of blood red champagne!
And then the games began. I think it was the balloon shaving first, fitting in with the host’s Sweeny Todd and Nellie Lovett costumes. Followed by ‘Who’s in the Pie’, a surprisingly tricky quiz with celebrity faces merged into pies. One of our number thought at least four were Sol Campbell, though sadly for them, he wasn’t actually there at all.
Another game was going on in the background, a hugely expanded version of Cluedo, with all of us as the suspects. Cards were swapped and you had to try and figure out whodunit, where, what with and why. As the big sit down meal drew nearer, it was starting to look like I might be the culprit. The despicable murderer of poor Andy Peters.
It was about 10pm by this time, and I could feel tiredness starting to take a hold, so I sat in the quiet of the games room to recharge a little. Sadly, sometime around half past ten, before the meal was served, I knew I had to go and rest properly for a while, so I headed off to the room, and lay in bed for a while.
I must have nodded off, and I think it was around midnight that Laura came up and checked on me, and taking a couple of pictures of me with the relevant cards showing that I had indeed been the murderer all along.

I knew by then that I was done for the night and wouldn’t be able to join the party again, so I got up, took off my wedding dress and went straight back to bed and to sleep for the night.
For someone used to being last to bed at just about every party I’ve ever been to, being first by such a margin is as weird as it is annoying. In spite of my early dart, I was one of the last up, though that’s much less unusual.

So I have to apologise to the other spooks for various things:

• Not having the energy to really get into character (even forgot contacts).
• Not being very lively or joining in much.
• Not being there for the meal.
• Not being there to take my punishment for the murder of poor Andy Peters.
• Not being there to explain myself over the murder of poor Andy Peters.*
• Not making it back to the party having vanished so early.

Mind you, if those psychiatrists I mentioned earlier are right, it’s all in my mind. Of course, having enjoyed the three previous Halloween weekends I’ve been to so much, I figured I’d use this one for a bit of attention seeking, by going off and sleeping for most of the important bits. Fucking genius me you know!
Apart from the bits I did know about missing, it was only on the Sunday I heard about the lantern based fun out in the garden. Bugger.

So anyway, I started with the sadness of loss. I’m still sad about many things I’ve lost so far. I suspect that more will be lost in the future (unless I can recover from ME, or find out what might be wrong instead and then fix that, there will be no more Halloween trips for me). I have no choice but to learn how to pace myself.
A silver lining is the fact that even if it is in fact ME that I have, I don’t have it anything like as bad as a lot of sufferers. There are also people to look to for inspiration in changing direction, coping with illness, and getting on with a new and different life. Stephen Hawking comes to mind first. To continue to work and write in spite of his health issues really is an inspiration. You never know, I could always be a remote presence at future Halloweens…….

* Some may have thought the only possible reason would be ruining Top of the Pops, but for me it was making sure I didn’t get to have a career as a voice over artist when he took the part of ‘Baggage Handler’ in Toy Story 2.

A Neutral View on the Plight of Portsmouth

At the time of writing, Portsmouth are basking in the light of a silver lining on the single cloud covering their sky. They sit at the foot of the Premier League two points behind the team immediately above, having played a game more.

This is actually a slightly experimental post, as it is being written by request, after I asked my facebook friends for subject ideas. The title is based on the way this suggestion was phrased, i.e. ‘The continuing plight of Portsmouth FC from an entirely neutral footballing perspective’. I think there are actually two sides to the Portsmouth situation though, and it’s the behind the scenes element that prompts the use of a word like plight. That may seem an odd thing to say about a team that’s just lost seven league games on the trot and props up the table, but I think they’ve been on the wrong end of some close games, and with them finally getting a win under their belts, they may now have a little more confidence and momentum to start the long hard climb up the table to safety. As long as the traumas over their ownership and financial problems don’t carry on for too long, or in fact get worse, then I don’t think they will get relegated.

It seems that no side has lost their first seven games of a Premier League season and gone on to survive, but I really do think that Portsmouth might buck the trend. Sadly, the team stats pages on football365 no longer show a comparison of results against each of the other teams in the league for the current and previous seasons, but while they did it was something I found a more real way of seeing how my team was getting on if it felt they weren’t in a league position that really reflected the way they’d been playing. Even without that though, we can see who it is that Portsmouth played and lost to in that horrendous seven game run.

For a couple of seasons Pompey were in the group of teams outside the real title challengers, but in with a decent chance of a European place and maybe a good cup run. Last season they fell off that pace a little though, and finished 14th in the table. The teams they’ve lost to so far this season all finished above them last season, apart from a promoted Birmingham City. Five of the seven games were only lost by a single goal, with Villa beating them 2-0, and Arsenal 4-0, though they certainly aren’t alone in taking a beating from the Arse this season and pretty much any other in recent years. Given that 1-0 losses have been against Everton and Fulham, that makes up positions 4 to 7 from last season, Man City were 10th but I doubt anyone would expect them not to improve on that, and even the lowest of last seasons finishers were Bolton, and you never quite know which Bolton will turn up, and losing 3-2 to them isn’t exactly shameful. Given that as a list of fixtures prior to any of the games being played, I doubt many football fans or pundits would give Portsmouth more than 6 points at best, and maybe if they got draws with Bolton and Birmingham, only 2 points, which prior to the win against Wolves would leave them in the same position at the bottom of the table anyway.

I watched the televised game against Everton, and on the balance of play, Portsmouth deserved at least a draw*. From watching results shows and Match of the Day, I’d say they were a side having a very poor run, but not one that was getting easily turned over on a regular basis. Given that there have been so many difficulties off the patch, a massive amount of credit is due to Paul Hart for at least keeping them near the right track, and when the opportunity presented itself to finally put some points on the board in their most recent game, they managed to keep their lead.

Oddly enough, as I’ve been writing this, news has come through that Ali Al-Faraj has completed a takeover of the club. I dare say this won’t be a cure all, but if it means stability off the pitch , it should hopefully let the players get in with playing, and the manager get on with doing his job.

Four of Portsmouth’s next five fixtures are against Hull, Wigan, Blackburn and Stoke. It’s often said, but in spite of the fact that no games are easy in the Premier League, that is a much kinder run than the one they’re coming out of. The next game is a very big one for them too. What better way to go into the four games mentioned than on the back of a home win against their ultimate Judas when Spurs visit on Saturday. If they only get one scalp from the teams near the top of the table this season, the timing of this one could be enough to keep the momentum going, and take them to safety before other sides even realise they’re starting to slide in the other direction.

An extra filip could be the fact that in spite of their poor league record, they hadn’t entirely lost the ability to win. Granted, the opposition wasn’t of the highest standard, but they’ve progressed through a couple of rounds of the League Cup without any sign of a banana skin, scoring seven goals in the process.

* Impartiality only goes so far. I do think that Portsmouth should have got more from the game against Everton. Most likely a draw, they’d have been flattered by a win, but beyond any doubt they should have had a red card for whoever it was that tried to decapitate Bilyaletdinov almost as soon as he came on (I think it was Kaboul).

The Small World of the Web

And slinging mud at comedians.

Over recent weeks, there have been a couple of cases of comedians that I’m following on Twitter getting a bit of a negative press. Well, I say press, but I haven’t read any of this on paper, and strictly speaking, the most recent isn’t really the press anyway, but a website, catering specifically to those interested in comedy.

Firstly, Richard Herring was interviewed, quoted and discussed in a Guardian article about a new breed of bigoted, misogynist and/or racist , and as far as Mr. Herring and his fans were concerned the man and his material were misrepresented in that last category, possibly even shoehorned to fit an agenda that came before the writing of the piece. The Guardian gave a right to reply, so a rebuttal was printed (Brendan Burns was also involved, but I don’t follow him, hence not mentioning him earlier). A further reply from the writer of the original article, and things had run their course. Whatever you might think of the articles themselves, I don’t think there can be much doubt that the commenters on all three pieces came down firmly behind Herring.

In the middle I think there was a scathing piece written about Stephen Fry, the darling of Twitter, but I haven’t read that, and I guess with the man reaching National Treasure status, it was more easily ignored and brushed aside by Fry fans.

And so we come to the current furore, which hasn’t fully played out yet, unless the writer of the original piece in this case leaves things as they are and doesn’t follow up on this rather quicker rebuttal. David Jesudason wrote a piece on chortle.co.uk titled ‘Off the artistic roll call‘, in which he took Watson to task for taking money to be in an advert. An additional swipe was aimed at Mitchell and Webb, though mainly Webb, for the same, plus a documentary voicover. There was also a claim to not want ‘a world where every comedian is a Bill Hicks-style clone’, (which rang fairly hollow in the context of the article), and a statement that the role of the comedian ‘is to highlight the ills of our society’.

In my opinion, a fairly nonsensical piece, easily dismissed as silly, but then it wasn’t about me. And in this connected age, on a site dedicated to comedy, it wasn’t overly surprising to see a reply from Mark Watson himself within a couple of days. In fact the two would have been together in the Chortle articles list if it hadn’t been for an additional reply from Carl Donnelly separating them.

He points out the obvious, that a comedians job is to make people laugh, and that highlighting the ills of society is the job of activists. I’d add that it’s the job of investigative journalists too, which puts Mr Jesudason very much in a glass house/stone throwing situation.

As an incurable insomniac, I had tweetdeck open through the night, and then into the day today, and was able to follow some of the ‘action’ in real time. This is obviously something that didn’t happen in the past.

Say, Frank Carson had had a negative article written about him in the 80s, he may have been able to get a reply of some sort printed, though I doubt it. That would be it. Article, reply, end. Maybe a dig in a routine somewhere along the way, particularly if that right to reply wasn’t forthcoming.

Now though, you can in some cases follow the process as well as see the outcomes. On twitter last night, Mark Watson linked to the offending article, and had a bit of a rant, and in fact with his last tweet of the night, thanked his followers for indulging his ranting. Of course that begs the question, why write and publish the rebuttal on chortle then? The Jesudason piece was likely to get short shrift from Watson fans in particular, and any comedy fan that hadn’t pigeonholed themself in the ‘Agit-com or Death!’ camp.

Which is another parallel here. I know it’s not quite the same as comments in the Mail (the downside of twitter for me, people link to the Mail as if it’s news, without any disclaimers or warnings), but the authors of the offending articles have been rounded on in a similar mob rule fashion. I don’t have a lot of sympathy with the specific articles in these cases, but that may just mean they fucked up. Hardly unusual. I actually have a little more sympathy for them after writing this, as evenhandedness is like a writing equivalent of a straight-jacket. I guess how you deal with adversity is what gets you through when you hit a rough patch. The reply from Brian Logan was a bit limp in the Richard Herring case, and as yet we don’t how Mr Jesudason will follow up on this, if at all.

Anyway, enough of these petty squabbles. What about synchronicity? Through the night, while twitter was all quiet, I was organising my writing folder on the computer as the previous folder set up was an illogical mess, and as part of the job I copied the few posts I’d written in a blogger.com blog last year into documents so I had copies on my machine. While I was at it, I checked up on the blogs I’d subscribed to over the last year or so, one of which is a very funny football news blog – Extravagant Nonsense (the other is the cutest thing I’ve seen on the web – The Itty Bitty Kitty Committee).

The football blog regularly had me laughing, so I decided to have a look at the main site it was attached to, which is an equally funny spoof wiki about the beautiful game. The Michael Owen, Roy Keane and Maradona entries were particular favourites, though I noticed they were missing a Nick Barmby page, and wondered if they might be up for submitted pages. Quick look around at who’s who, and part of the team is only our good friend Mark Watson! Who’d have thunk.

So then with my hopeful hat on, I can see myself drinking and laughing with the rich, famous and beautiful people that I’m now best mates with having got to know them over the internet. Potential contributor and spelling advisor to Mark on his football sites, through the night insomniac twitter confidant to @Jason_Manford…

Nope, hugely wishful thinking there, and single reply tweets from John Amaechi and Curt Smith are hardly going to give me red carpet entry to the novel writing elite either are they? Ditto the odd retweeted #tag tweetgamepost (?).

I’ll just have to make sure that by the time I’ve finished it, my novel is at least a bit commercial. Mind you, this reality TV style tweetdeck watching and blog rambling isn’t get that novel written at all. And those #tags too. Dammit.

I’ve never been one for getting overly excited by meeting the famous. There were opportunities when I was in bands, and most of the time I didn’t bother at all. But the illusion of connecting over the web can be oddly attractive. The old who you know game, though now it’s who you’re kidding yourself you know.

Most likely reaction from any of these people to submitting work is likely to match that of Josh Olson: ‘I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script‘.

A return to gaming, and new steps in cooking.

Damn, I didn’t mean to do it.

It has been a long time since I have though, so I don’t suppose it’s the end of the world.

What did I go and do?

I ordered a game for the ps3. Not only ordered though, but pre-ordered!

It’s the first time since Forza 2 I think. And it’ll be the first proper racing game for my ps3. It was sad when my Live account got stuffed up (due to having had a hotmail account since they were only .com and Microsoft not being in any way helpful about switching the registered country on that account, which at some point must have been assumed to be in the US. They change their security, they break my account. I don’t pay anymore, or buy anymore games).

Anyway, I came across some videos of Need For Speed: Shift, and for the first time in ages was excited about a game that was due for release. It was good to feel that again, certainly with Forza 3 on the way soon, as that would have been a bit of a temptation to get a new Live account, but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. I’ve dipped into the long running set of NFS games over the years, as they’ve tended to be a bit hit and miss, though I did quite enjoy the Underground period.

This new one is heading more towards the simulation side of things though, as they’ve decided to split different styles off into separate NFS titles. After watching the vids I had a little search around for a bit more info on the game too, and some of the guys that were involved in the (now shelved?) version of GTR for consoles. Oddly enough, I had a sneaking suspicion there might be a connection. GTR not appearing, and some of the vids from Spa set my sensors off.

It’ll be good to have a go at a serious racing game again. Although any dreams of becoming a star of the online racing scene were put to bed on Forza against some of the guys at the now sadly defunct xbox360leagues site (though I could more than hold my own in the racing elements on Flatout there).

I have got a couple of games for ps3, but mainly from asking for vouchers, and then putting them to good use. Oh, and picking Haze up very cheaply when VirginZavviHed were looking in their bargain bins for some cut price elbows and arses. And I probably have a couple of grand of gaming budget to spend. The joys of moving the previously cigarette based spending. I got to a point though were I had more than I could possibly play on the 360, so the budget has become more theoretical now, and there’s the time element too. Most games these days eat time.

And that’s before the web based (non-console) games I play too. The real time consuming elements are all done for those anyway though, so it’s only a few minutes needed here and there for the footy management games I play. (for linking purposes, they are: managerzone, FML, manager-mania and xpert11)

Apart from a bit of time thinking about gaming, my other recent activity has mostly centred around cooking. I’ve been enjoying Economy Gastronomy on the iPlayer, and have ordered the book from the series now, but even without it have been using some of the principles they talk about already. I’ve got various tubs in the freezer, having made large pans of veggie pasta, and a big veg soup. Not on the same scale, and not frozen either, but a medium pack of turkey strips is going to do at least a couple of days worth at the minute.

And for the first time, I used some chicken bones and slightly older veg to make a stock. I have no idea what to do with it now, but I’m sure I’ll find a use for it.

My First Stock

A week off the Internet (Day 7)

Sunday 16th August 2009

Apart from being woken by a cat (9 ish), called by my girlfriend to make sure I was still alive (10.30), a couple of expeditions for more water, and for weeing, I had a decent bit of snoozing. I got up at about half five in the end. I suppose that could just be put down to getting older, and drinking for the first time in ages, but I think it’s another sign that I’m struggling with my energy levels.

Felt a little bit odd for the rest of the day. Did a bit of tidying, and some reading, but not up to all that much really.

It is of course the big day. Back on the web. I’d set 10pm as my time to rejoin the Internet age. Checked the training of players on my various online footy manager games, checked email, and then opened up the folder of most used tabs in firefox and re-immersed myself in the digital mire.
Oddly, I didn’t really miss it all that much, and would certainly recommend a week off once in a while to anyone. Of course, I’m sure it’d be a whole different story if it hadn’t been by choice, and for longer than a week. I was glad to get back on, just needed the break.

It proved to me that I’m not well too. I got a fair bit done around the house with not being tied to the computer, or having it as something to do if I got tired, but I didn’t do so much that any healthy person doing the same would also need to go to bed for naps most days. I think the long sleep today is partly down to not getting a sleep yesterday afternoon.
With my appointment this week, I hope I’ll be able to start the process of getting fixed. Although with it being such a long wait, I suppose I may now have some expectations of this first appointment that are too high. Just have to wait and see I guess.

Anyway, as far as I’m concerned, the week off experiment was a big success. Hopefully these blogs from the week will be interesting to some of you out there, and then at least some of the writing will be a success too.

(Since writing this week long diary a couple of weeks ago, I have since had the appointment, and the specialist (20 years in the field) said he definitely thought I had ME, and referred me to the team of therapists, though that could take up to 12 weeks again. I’d held off from reading up on things while waiting to see the doctor, as it’s so easy to find all sorts of the things that could be wrong, when it’s not true. Plus, the Internet is a good start point, but hardly ultra reliable when looking for something in a serious way.

I’d narrowed it down to CFS/ME, Lupus, or Fibromyalgia, and then stopped. Since having this diagnosis though, I’ve made a start on looking again, and the first thing that hit home was reading in a couple of places that there isn’t a cure at all, it’s just a case of living with the condition. The only person I remember seeing on TV who had had it was Clare Francis, and I’d got the impression that she’d completely recovered, but even in the biog on her own website, it says “She herself has had ME (also known as Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) for many years.”

So that was a bit of a shock. I probably would have realised that with just a bit more searching a few weeks ago, but didn’t want to go down the road of hypochondria. Still, it’s had quite an effect. All the things I thought about getting to grips with some properly worked out, paced exercises and advice on recovery, and I’d be fighting fit at some point. But no, need to do all of that, and see where I’m up to then.

At least it means making a start on my writing was a good idea though. Just not sure what to blog about now. Can’t really bl0g about a potential novel in any great detail without giving it away serialised, and a germ of an idea for a sit com is hardly likely to be very funny chopped into random bits and posted all in the wrong order. Unless you’re a real fan of the surreal. But I guess that’s my job now, so I will try and blog at least a couple of times a week, maybe more if inspired with other week long projects (any suggestions?)

Thanks for the comments here and elsewhere. I hope it was enjoyable.

Onward an upward!)

A week off the Internet (Day 6)

Saturday 15th August 2009

Went round to my girlfriend’s on the way to the local cafe for Saturday breakfast with her family. The weather was horrible. Grey, windy and chucking it down. I actually wore my waterproof coat it was that bad. Without the black trackybottoms in socks and the boots they all wear, I don’t suppose I look like a scal wearing it, but it just feels a bit odd. I don’t know how these coats are part of their uniform though. You can hardly be stealthy in something that swishes at the slightest movement. And with the hood up, all round vision is hugely impaired. I can’t imagine trying to run away from someone wearing it. You’d have no chance. I suppose it’s purely the fact that you could be any of hundreds if not thousands of scrotes when you look the same as the rest. Anonimity in numbers.

Finally had a proper go at the drums on GH World Tour this afternoon. They may be rubber pads on the kit, but it still feels a bit loud for late night playing. It was a lot of fun. I went straight in at expert level, just to see if the time spent playing the drums was enough to be able to sneak through.
I’ve never been a drummer in a band, but did spend a year playing them a couple of times a week. I’d always wanted to have a go, and a friend had always wanted to have a crack at playing his guitar in a proper rehearsal situation rather than his bedroom. So we played a couple of songs we’d each written in the past, and a bunch of covers we both liked, and had a great time. With it just being the pair of us though, we’d never really thought about getting in more people to get enough of a band going to do a few gigs, and things fizzled out before we got to make that decision anyway.
A couple of the patterns in the game were a bit confusing, but even starting at expert, I did manage to get through a couple of the early sets without too much trouble, so I’ll be sticking at that level unless I get really stuck. I had a go at some vocal stuff too, but that’s very poor compared to the rest of the instruments. I muddled through a few, but a look at my ranking on the high scores list for one song put me just outside the top 300, and that was for an abysmal performance, so it’s obviously as popular as it is exciting. Maybe as part of a whole band having a go it might be better, but given the big vocal free gaps in some of the songs, it’s quite boring overall.

I went round to my girlfriend’s to get ready for a 40th birthday party we were going to in the evening. It was an 80s themed fancy dress do, and my girlfriend was going as Adam Ant, and I was a cross between Simon le Bon and a generic New Romantic type. She’s very good at getting fancy dress outfits together, Halloween being a lot of fun when we’ve been for our weekends away in the past. (Organised of course, not just us going away and dressing up).
Luckily, her dad had agreed to give us a lift to the party, as I wouldn’t have wanted to be walking the streets looking the way I did. As it was, he said he was disturbed by the way I looked.
I decided to actually have a drink as well. Not a big ‘I will drink lots’ decision, just that I wouldn’t be worrying all night about what I was or wasn’t drinking. I was warned off the lager straight away, which is probably a good thing, as I don’t tend to suffer as much after drinking bitter anyway. I do have to watch myself with drinking though for a couple of reasons. One being the age old, two drinks and I’m anyone’s problem. Though strictly speaking it’s more a case of two drinks, and I’ll drink anything and everything. Very dangerous. The other problem is whatever it is that’s wrong with me physically (even with an appointment with a CFS/ME specialist coming up this week, I don’t suppose I can say 100% what’s up just yet), tends to make everything shut down if I drink too much. Mainly whatever it is that copes and helps you recover too, which is a double blow. I’ve had hangovers last a week or more in the past.

I was a bit worried when we got there. Hadn’t really thought about whether everyone would get into the spirit and be dressed up. Fortunately pretty much everyone was, so it was a good laugh all round. I’ll have to rob a picture off my girlfriend to put up. I did look a right state, but I did get called Simon at one point, so it was obviously working well. There were some, erm, interesting 8os themed outfits I have to say. Not sure what all of them were about to be completely honest.
They had a quiz, which our table and the one next to us jointly won. Dave on ours got the answer to ‘what was the name of the car in Knight Rider, and what did it stand for?’ Amazing. The prize was a shitload of sweets. Which went down very well. In the same way that what KITT stood for was a hole in my memory but not Dave’s, so were Wham bars. Never heard of them. Blackjacks, refreshers, cola bottles and various other bits were good fun though. The party food was good too, and having been warned off the lager, had a few bitters instead, which went down rather well. Not sure how bitter looked with my New Romantic foppishness though.
I’ve got a bit out of the habit of dancing these days too. Even when Duran Duran came on. I did actually get up for the ’slow dance’, and was then surprised when I was taken up on my silly suggestion of a four or sixway slow dance. I’m sure that was based on something someone on our table said, but it was getting a bit late, so I’d had a few by then, and can’t remember what it was
Dave’s brother Kevin (who kept sorting out the Rubik’s cube) said something about people who weren’t related to each other, which for some reason I turned into a game. Caused a lot of confusion, but you should try it. Name two people who aren’t related to each other. Only good for drunks I suppose. Or on “I’m sorry I haven’t a clue”.
I think a good time was had by all though.

For the walk home, the wig came off and I zipped my coat up over the girly t-shirt. There was no one about anyway, so it wouldn’t have mattered, but I felt better for it.
A double dose of vitamins and few cups of water, and off to bed by 3am.

A week off the Internet (Day 5)

Friday 14th August 2009

It seems that 11.30am is settling as a natural rising time for me. It’s unfortunate that the time my lower back  stops the worst of it’s aching is about half an hour later. It’d be nice if the two could get themselves synchronised. I’d really appreciate that.

Did some boring stuff, washing dishes, filling the washing machine. Not a very interesting day really.

In the afternoon, I walked over to a friend’s house. He’d looked after the cats while I was away recently, so I was going to pick up the spare key, and drop off his Mintys Cymru and a four pack. He’s away himself now, but he’s at his folks place for a while, so he’d said he’d leave the key in an envelope for me.
It’s a very short trip in the car, but for me today was going to be a bit of an adventure, and a test of what my body can take these days. I’d usually go on-line and use one of the mapping sites to work out exactly how far it is, but I can’t, so I’ll look it up when I can, and put it in this bracket, right here: (blimey, just short of four miles). I would have used the A to Z that I’ve got, but the first couple of pages have gone missing so there’s no scale to work from.
It was an interesting walk. I’ve lived around this area for most of my life, but as I’ve always been happy enough with my own company, times when I’ve explored it have been few and far between. I have a terrible sense of direction anyway, so on a larger scale, when travelling anywhere, once I know a route, I’ll stick to it, even if I think there’s probably a quicker or easier way to get where I’m going. So I know bits of the area, and have a feel for where most things are, but for the most part, I haven’t actually physically covered much of it. Rather than back as a kid, with all the time and freedom you could want, my best discovery phase was most likely looking for a house a few years ago, and viewing places on all these streets which were familiar names, but I’d never been to before.
It wasn’t very exciting though. The weather was quite grey, though I was overheating, as is my way. Whatever the human equivalent of a thermostat is, I never got one. There is a park near to their house though. One I’d only been to a couple of times for a kickabout many years ago. It was odd going through the more flowery bit of it to the football field though. It was only coming out of the shadow of the trees that I realised it was the same place. There was no-one in when I got there, which is fairly typical of how things work for me, but I suppose I half expected that anyway. The walking was my adventure for the day either way. He’ll just have to come to me when he gets back from his travels I guess. We’ve been saying we’ll have a gaming night for ages anyway.
I think it was my doctor who mentioned that he’d been told at some point that asthma was a ‘holding in’ of breath rather than trying to get more. I was told I had mild asthma years ago, and when I suffer from lack of breath, it feels more like a lack, but as with posture, some things can feel different to how they really are, and some ways of improving health can seem counter intuitive, so I guess the holding idea could be true. If your body is trying to hold onto some of the last breath, it’ll feel like there’s very little space for more to come in, which might explain that. Anyway, based on this, I decided to try some extreme exhalation on the way home. Three breaths in I got a lungful of drain vapour, so I’ll have to try that some other time. Great timing as ever.

Shattered when I got back in. Went for a sleep again, which was a good three hours this time, getting up again at around 7pm. I feel a lot better generally now that I just listen to what my body wants rest wise. It confirms how holding down a normal job would be unlikely at the minute though. Unless there are places where you can work a bit, have a sleep when you get tired, and then work a bit more. Nothing comes to mind sadly. Well, apart from the House of Lords, but I don’t think I’d get a place there.

I went round to my girlfriend’s for dinner. Tortilla pockets, and a selection of cakes. Watched a bit of TV and looked at her anti-virus on her laptop. Just needed the updates adding, so got that sorted. Was slightly tempted to have a look at a couple of my usual favourite sites, as I’d only ever intended to be off-line at home. I wasn’t that bothered though, and decided that with only a couple of days left, I may as well leave it until Sunday. Went home at about 11pm, as my girlfriend wasn’t too well, so was getting an early night. Had a go on Guitar Hero: World tour for a while, then headed for bed at about 3am. Still a natural late nighter, but the afternoon sleeps are probably contributing to that, and when I do go to bed at night, I’m not struggling to get to sleep, which is a pleasant change.

A week off the Internet (Day 4)

Thursday 13th August 2009

Heard the phone ringing in the other room, which must have half woken me up. It was the circular arguing of the asbo couple over the road, and their foghorn children that actually made me get up though. Well, I say ‘their’ children, but who knows. It reminded me of a cartoon in Tona Di Brett’s learn to sing booklet I had years ago. It came with a couple of cassettes, and I really should have worked harder on that. I may have got somewhere then. Anyway, the cartoon pointed out that newborn babies have no trouble in using their voices to maximum capacity. As we get older we tense up, and aren’t free enough to do the same. Probably why the young kid cut through their boring argument with his inane rambling. At least he’s got an excuse.

Over the years, I’ve managed to attract small boxes of other people’s unwanted CDs. I’ve never got round to listening to them properly though, so as I’m also about to embark on an ebay selling spree, I figured it was probably about time I did. So far, I can see why they were boxes of unwanted CDs. And unless I can find a tone deaf music fan with no taste, and more money than sense, I’ll be lucky to get a pound for them in batches of five. On the upside, two or three tracks are usually enough to decide that I’d never be interested in listening to them again. And hopefully, there might be one or two that turn out alright. Then if the rest go very cheap, or even get given away, I won’t be all that bothered. I might even stack them up by the front door and let any guests take whatever they want as they leave. I’d need to start having guests of course…..

I’m finding it quite difficult to stop myself from doing physical jobs around the house now. Sitting messing about on the Internet was definitely a defence mechanism against getting over tired during the day. Without it, I’ve had two days on the trot where I’ve needed to get a couple of hours sleep in the early evening, and today having just hoovered the house from top to bottom, it can only be a matter of time before I start nodding off again. I actually had the shakes in my legs when I’d finished. I remember playing footy all day as a kid and never feeling like that. Even 5-a-side with the guys when I played as long as I could after my knee going, I’d never get quite this bad.
I can feel it now as I’m writing. Tiredness building in my lower back, thighs tingling, eyes starting to droop. Basically a feeling that within the next half hour at the most, I’ll be asleep again. It’s crazy.

There’s still an appointment I need to make, but I’m putting it off. I don’t even know why. I suppose if I thought about it harder, and tried to push myself to do it now, I can feel that there’d be a reaction, and I’d get panicky and not do it anyway. So all in good time. I used to be able to do these normal everyday things much more easily, so I need to get back to being like that. I’m just going to keep working towards that in a positive way though, as I don’t think adding pressure on myself works. Only taken forty years to work that out. Well done genius….

I went to bed again in the afternoon, but only managed to doze without actually getting to sleep, so I got up after about half an hour. Had a shower as I was going to go round to my girlfriend’s for a cup of tea and some cake. Apparently doing a Wurzel Gummidge impression doesn’t work very well over mobile phones. I called to see if we were still on, as I knew my girlfriend was a bit under the weather, and she said she was going to bed instead, so I had to find something else to do.

I ended up back rearranging the lounge. The main difference being the orientation of one of the bookshelves. I’d turned it a little already, to get at the mains socket that was hidden behind, but realised that it wasn’t robust enough to be manhandled with the various DVDs, books and other bits and bobs left in place. So a very simple task turned into a much longer one. All the board games on top went first, then each shelf of goodies laid out in it’s own row on the far side of the room, before the actual moving of the furniture itself. That took about 30 seconds, and accounted for about 10% of the effort involved, and about 2% of the time. At least it’s done now though. Moving the couch back to where it had been in the first place made more sense now, with the bookshelf moved and a couple of other slight tweaks.

I had the TV on while I was doing the moving. ‘Dragon’s Den’ was OK, though it’s getting a bit like the music talent shows. They have to keep doing new things all the time to try and keep it fresh. It’s a good group of Dragons, but I think they need to let a couple go, as that would freshen it up, without having to keep messing about with new splits between them, and silly deals just to one up on the last series. I was wondering whether Duncan Banatyne was skint, or possibly ill. He’d been very irritable, and hadn’t invested, but he did in the episode prior to this, and didn’t seem as tetchy in this one. Mind you, you don’t know whether the order you see applicants has any relation to the order the dragons see them. Maybe it was edited to add a bit of drama to the series as a whole?
More interesting though, is a new program called ‘Economy Gastronomy’. As someone cutting expenditure down to an absolute minimum, and also wanting to improve my cooking abilities and diet, it’s right up my street. Well, nearly. So far they’ve had families as their subjects, so I need them to do an episode for singletons. A veggie option would be useful too. I’m not a veggie anymore, but I don’t eat all that much meat, and with their tumbledown system of cooking a big meal, then making a couple of others with what’s left, I’d worry that meat would have a tendency to go off too quickly if a single person needed to make things last longer. I guess the freezer then becomes your best friend though. And my last big veggie soup went off quicker than any before, so who knows.
I keep wanting to go and see if they have a book out to go with the series, but as I’m off-line it isn’t an option. They may hold off until the series is finished anyway, if the ‘Grow Your Own Drugs’ series is anything to go by anyway. I can’t see the point of that though. I’m sure they’d sell the book all through the series and beyond, where waiting could just cause them to lose people along the way. Neither series would lose anything from people having the book earlier. It’s not as if there are punchlines or cliffhangers to be given away. One odd thing in the production is the tendency for the presenters to be talking to someone off camera most of the time. The odd shot with them talking directly to camera makes me think it isn’t down to the presenter though, but an editing choice. It can be rather off putting at times.

Once I finished moving stuff, I figured I’d actually sit down and watch whatever was on for half an hour or so. Turned out a bit longer though. Not sure if that was down to having eaten a couple of toasted jam sandwiches after my exertions, or just having been active. Maybe even just the fact I was sat watching TV for a change. There’s not a lot on late at night, but I did find an interesting documentary called ‘Fight for Oil’ on the Teaching channel. And though I suspect it was repeated from an earlier evening slot, ‘Wine’ was quite good as well. It was all about the 2008 harvest at Chateau Margaux. Interesting stuff, especially the rise of interest (and therefore prices) from Eastern markets, in fine wines.

A week off the Internet (Day 3)

Wednesday 12th August 2009

I feel really old this morning. All sorts of aches and pains, but mainly lower back. I feel like a really old man, all bent over and shuffling about. It must ease every day, or I’d think about nothing else. Once back on the web, I’ll be looking up books on Alexander technique I think, and in the mean time just thinking about my posture through the day.

I’ve got a feeling it could be a physical manifestation of the CFS/ME though. With the amount of energy available being very low, you just about manage the things you want to do, with nothing to spare. I guess if it’s not taken into consideration, posture could be the first thing that gets neglected. Mine isn’t up to much in the first place, so neglecting it is a very bad idea.
From the inside, I’ve felt for years that there’s a curve to my spine, and some lower back bone issues, but a couple of doctors have said they can’t see it from the outside.

Finally, finally, finally. After days of illogical putting off, I managed to get a couple of forms filled, even adding short covering letters, and then off to the post office where they both went recorded delivery. A very small task, but for some reason one which has been causing me to procrastinate far above and beyond the call of insanity for well over a week.
Got a phone call to make tomorrow, another form to fill, and two letters to read. Well, not letters I suppose, but terms and conditions for some old insurances that I probably don’t need anymore. Just wanted to be 100% before canceling though.

As a pleasant side effect, a small dent was knocked into the current hermit phase, as I obviously had to go out. Another small victory in the form of shopping at a proper veg shop for a few spuds and carrots. Though even bypassing the supermarkets didn’t have much effect on the plastic involved. I grabbed the spuds by hand, but the carrots were pre bagged, and I got a shopping bag. With practice I’m sure this will improve though.

I need to get my act together as far as shopping local goes. Having lost my car (there’s a rant or two involved there, but that’s for another day), I can’t do my formerly regular late night supermarket shopping anymore. There is always the option of ordering over the internet, but I’d prefer not to go down that route.
My intention is to learn how to shop properly. Quality meat from the local butcher. Hand pick my own selection of veg from the local shop. As for anything else, I’ll have to work it out. Bread should be easy enough, but where do you get sun dried tomato if not from the smaller corner shop chains or small branches of the big supermarkets? Something to research. (Though for a change, not on the Internet, but ‘walking round the local shops’ research.)
It’s odd, but in spite of living seconds away from  the nearest bunch of shops, and a reasonable walk from two other shopping areas, I’ve got no idea where all the things I’d normally get at the supermarket would come from. Will I be able to match the prices I’ve been paying? Will I care?

I popped in at my girlfriend’s dad’s engraving shop and Gallery on the way home. He’s got loads of new stuff up in there, including a fantastic painting of one of their cats in the window. I suggested that maybe as part of my developing as a writer, I could do an interview with him. I don’t think he was overly bothered either way, which is fair enough, as I don’t have an audience to speak of as yet. I’ll have a think about questions though, and maybe ask again in a couple of weeks.

Once I got in, I did a variation on the theme of a stir-fry. Enough to eat on the spot and for the evening as well. After another session with ‘Managing Your Mind’ as I let my food go down, I couldn’t resist doing a bit more tidying. It’s a slow process, but gradually it’s even starting to look a bit tidier. Which is quite surprising as I’m still in the switching stuff around to make room to really get into tidying phase. It’s not just me is it? Everyone has that phase when re-organising a whole house don’t they?

As with yesterday though, I took the knock after a while and had to go back to bed for a couple of hours.

I moved a chest of drawers in the computer room, which gave me a base to retrieve my three CD cases from the ’stuff’ room. Double benefits to that. I now have access to all my CDs, and also a lot more floor space in the ’stuff’ room, so it’ll be much easier to get to grips with. It’s a long way off yet, but when I eventually get to the stuff in the loft, there’s a whole other life’s worth of music collection up there where my vinyl lives. No idea where I’m going to put it all though.

I wanted to get a review written of a TV program I’d downloaded on iPlayer, but only got as far as making some initial notes. I’d found a book while searching for something completely different on the computer. It’s called ‘What God Said to Larry’, by Dexter VanDango. The author had posted a couple of chapters on the Stephen Fry forum, and I’d really liked them, so when he offered to send a copy to anyone who emailed him, I did so. Usually when I’m at the computer though, I find myself off on tangents all over the place, so reading a full novel was just never going to happen. Another benefit of this week off-line I guess. I really can see me setting up specific online times in the future. Maybe an hour limit in the morning, and then after a certain time in the evening. I can always make notes through the day, rather than being dragged in various directions each time I see something interesting. I’m already making a list of things I would have done if I’d been on-line, but that was more for fun, and out of interest. I don’t actually intend to go and do all those things. On a daily basis though it might be something to do. Though a quality control system would be wise. No point getting to the end of the day, and going back online just to look up a load of rubbish. Vet the list first.